You Are My Sunshine
by annaRAWR
Summary: Nick and Jeff had always been closer than two best friends could be - but after the realisation that their unspoken affections and lazy summers couldn't last forever, Jeff is determined for them to admit how they feel about each other. But with Nick so obsessed with trying to please his family, and Jeff so in need to be loved, they find it isn't as simple as three small words.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Hello! Just a quick note to say, this is written in tandem with my Seblaine fic that I just finished, but you don't need to have read that to get this, and if you're not a Seblaine fan, they're hardly mentioned, anyway. And another thing - if there's a "()" at the beginning of a section, it indicates it's set in another part of time. Hope you enjoy! (Also, I really recommened listening to You Are My Sunshine by Johnny Cash at some point!)

**Chapter 1**

()

Nick never used to love summer. Sure, it was always nice to relax in the sun, but there were way too many bugs for his liking, and more often than not, it was just far too hot. He still distinctly remembered his first day at Dalton, where the sun was glaring down unforgivably, and whenever he thought of loosening his tie, the teacher was glaring down on him just as hard. Really, it was like summer just made everything seem extra stuffy, and he couldn't wait for it to be over.

However, summer has one quality which Nick wouldn't ignore – the way it can make places, and in this case, people, look beautiful. How everything could be timed and put together so well that one person could somehow embody everything summer was meant to be. It was only really in passing when he saw him, but he found himself pretty much hypnotised, and that just wasn't Nick. Nick never got distracted, or caught gawking, but just this once, he was drawn to the presence of a tall boy with hair so bright it could light up the courtyard better than the actual sun. He was clearly the centre of attention of the small group he was standing in. His shirt was untucked, and his tie was loose, and for whatever reason his head was thrown back in hearty laughter that sounded so happy, it was impossible not to feel some kind of cheeriness in return. Nick found himself smiling, only really realising he was staring when the other boy caught his eye and grinned in a way that was somehow teasing and forgiving at the same time. He couldn't help but blush as he smiled back, wondering how someone's eyes could reflect the sun as well as his before looking ahead and walking purposefully away. When he heard running behind him, he didn't think it would be the same guy he'd been ogling only seconds ago.

"Hey!" a voice called, just before a hand landed on Nick's shoulder. He turned around, frowning before stopping sharp. He was suddenly afraid this guy was going to punch him for staring or something.

"What?" he asked, trying to come off just a little threatening which the guy only seemed to find amusing. It irked Nick to see him smile so much.

"You dropped this," the boy smiled, handing him a vital piece of paper that Nick had stuffed into his pocket containing his timetable. Nick did all he could not to blush again, snatching the piece of paper from him and feeling stupid for thinking this overly-happy person was going to hit him.

"Thanks," he murmured, turning to walk away but finding the other boy just followed him, walking with him like they'd known each other for years.

"You seem tense," he commented, seeming genuinely concerned.

"Are you following me?" Nick asked.

"Nope. We have the same class. I looked," he grinned. "Is that why you're grumpy?"

"I'm not _grumpy,_" Nick snapped. "Just… a little irritable."

The boy laughed. "I guess first day at school can get you like that. But that's why you've gotta be open to people, right?" he stopped, smiling down at Nick and holding his hand out. "I'm Jeff, by the way," he said. "Jeff Sterling."

"Nick Duval," he replied, taking his hand and frowning when Jeff just stayed where he was, feeling intimidated under his gaze. "Why aren't you moving?"

"We're here," Jeff grinned, and Nick blushed, seeing he was right. "Why aren't _you _moving?"

Nick just stuttered over words he couldn't make, quickly pushing past Jeff and into the empty, calm classroom. He exhaled, running a hand through his hair and trying not to watch the door for the other boy to walk in. At the time, he was sure Jeff Sterling would be nothing to him other than a boy who smiled too much and spoke like he had the world in check. He would never have guessed in a million years he'd turn out to be his best friend.

* * *

He hadn't even realised he'd fallen asleep until a cold bead of water dropping on his nose suddenly woke him up, stirring him back into the hot summers day where he'd been sunbathing in the garden. He frowned, not opening his eyes straight away as he tried to work out what was happening, still pulling himself back into consciousness.

"I'm gonna give you until the count of three," a familiar voice warned him, and finally, he opened his eyes, seeing his best friend towering over him with a mischievous smile on his lips – and a water gun.

"One…"

"Jeffy, no…" Nick grunted, not moving. Jeff just raised his eyebrows.

"Two… You know I'm gonna do it anyway, Nicky," he grinned. "I'm giving you a headstart."

"Getting me in the state of waking up isn't giving me a-"

"Three!"

Like lightning, Nick was up, rolling off the blanket he was lying on and further into his garden while Jeff chased him, cackling and shooting the water gun while Nick responded with noises of protest.

"This means war, Sterling!" Nick yelled, despite being the obvious inferior subject in their situation.

"You're gonna call war on the guy with the giant water pistol?" Jeff asked. Nick responded by grabbing a bucket that was full of rain water – his dad left buckets out to collect the rain in order to conserve their water – and emptying it over Jeff, who had no time to slow down after chasing Nick and ended up running right into it. He gasped, using the fact Nick had stopped running to his advantage and covering as much of him as he could while Nick attempted to use the bucket as a shield. When he'd finally run out of water, he just took a step closer to Nick and shook his hair, creating a very accurate wet dog impression.

"If this is how you're gonna greet me from now on, I might have to terminate our friendship," Nick teased, but Jeff just pouted, looking at Nick with wide eyes. Nick shook his head, telling him _I'm not falling for the puppy eyes _but it didn't stop Jeff pulling him towards him into a hug.

A really wet hug.

"I missed you," Jeff mumbled fondly, hugging Nick tighter for a moment. Nick giggled, knowing he should probably say something about how long the hug was taking but finding he really didn't care enough.

"You only saw me two days ago," Nick pointed out, causing Jeff to pull away, feigning offence.

"Fine, next time I won't come see you for a week!"

"You won't manage that," Nick teased, and Jeff folded his arms, pouting again. Nick reached out, pulling at the corners of Jeff's mouth until he had to smile, laughing at his best friend's attempts.

"You're right," he smiled. "I could never do that to you."

Nick laughed again, and Jeff smiled, following him as Nick lead them back to the front of the oversized garden. A part of the reason Jeff found himself at the Duval residence so much was just for the astonishing scenery – not only was his garden some kind of baby countryside, complete with pool and patio, but the house itself was bigger than two houses on his own street put together. The sandy coloured building was three stories high – four if you counted the basement – and was fully kitted out with environmental friendly features but wasn't lacking in the grander décor, either. Each five members of the family had their own study separate from their bedroom – apart from Nick, who had a bigger one than everyone else but had to share with his sister, Lucy. There was a first lounge and a second lounge, which used to be dedicated to the staff when they needed a break (but now their only regular staff was a maid and a gardener), their own personal gym on the second floor, and a piano room just as you walked in to the large foyer.

It needed no saying that Nick was privileged, to say the least.

"What song is that?" Nick asked, noticing Jeff was humming as they approached their usual spot by the pool. Jeff chuckled, barely realising he was doing it until Nick pointed it out.

"_You Are My Sunshine?_" Jeff told him, looking at him with wide, keen eyes. "It was on the radio before I got here. I guess I like it," he shrugged.

"That fits you perfectly," Nick grinned. "The song."

A flicker of a frown passed across Jeff's face, and a breathy laugh escaped him as a shade of pink crawled up his neck. "Nicky… have you actually listened to the lyrics of that song?"

"Uh," Nick stuttered, biting his lip and looking at Jeff apologetically. "…no."

"Maybe you should," Jeff giggled. He decided not to say any more on the topic; instead pulling his shirt up over his head, lying down on the large blanket that was already waiting for them and closing his eyes, sighing happily as the sun washed over him. Nick couldn't help watch him a moment longer, tilting his head to admire the content smile on Jeff's face. He was barely aware of his gaze drifting further down, taking in the already tanned skin of Jeff's very toned chest and how it was glistening just slightly where the water had hit him earlier. He followed the few freckles that dotted across his collarbones, knowing already how he could trace them all the way down his abdomen, where his shorts sat low on his hips to reveal well-sculpted hip bones that had his heart beating faster whenever he caught a glimpse of them. Catching himself, he felt heat rising quickly to his cheeks, and his gaze snapped back to Jeff's face which was just a peaceful as before. He sighed, smiling and lowering himself down next to Jeff, noticing for the millionth time how impossibly long his eyelashes were. But he'd never let himself admit that in that back of his mind, he called them beautiful.

Jeff was his best friend. Nothing more.

Except just maybe, he could let himself look over at him and feel no guilt in thinking, _you are my sunshine._


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: warning for smut at beginning of chapter! **

**Chapter 2**

_Nick's chest rose and fell with every hard breath he took, his legs tightly curled around Jeff's waist, holding him closer and meeting every thrust. His already dark eyes seemed deeper, like Jeff could fall into them, but he was glad that wasn't a real possibility because he'd never want to miss how Nick was looking at him for anything. Surely Nick knew, though; even though he looked up at him like he was everything, it wasn't completely true. He was only part of the everything that Nick belonged to. _

_Nick's eyes squeezed shut, his hands curled tight in Jeff's hair and making him moan with the power he could have over him, even when they were like this. _

"_Jeff," he moaned, a continuous string of bliss filled noises rolling off his tongue when Jeff took the hint and picked up the pace. He'd found the spot that made Nick scream long ago, teasing him a few times before angling his hips so he'd never miss, reducing Nick into a moaning mess. He linked his fingers through with one of Nick's hands, loving how with every part of his body, he found a way to cling to him. He needed him. _

"_I'm so glad you're mine," he whispered into Nick's ear, kissing him under the ear and feeling Nick squeeze his hand appreciatively. _

"_Jeff," he gasped, feeling the coiling in his stomach that meant he was close. "_Jeff-_"_

"_I've got you," he murmured. "Don't close your eyes, Nicky. Let me see you." _

_Nick whimpered, his hips snapping up to take as much of Jeff as he could, looking unwaveringly into Jeff's eyes. "Harder," he begged, fisting the duvet tighter in anticipation. Jeff pressed a rushed kiss against his lips, not letting go of his hand as he obliged to Nick's request, neither of them caring when the headboard hit repeatedly against the wall. When he felt himself getting close, too, he wound his hand around Nick's cock, pumping in time with his thrusts and not taking his eyes off Nick's face. His breath became ragged, and Nick's hips stuttered before Jeff's name erupted from his lips, echoing in Jeff's ears even when everything began to fade._

Jeff's eyes snapped open, chest heaving as he was thrown back into reality. His body was glistening with sweat, and he covered his face with his hands when he began to realise what happened. Shame filled him like a balloon about to pop, registering the sticky feeling in his boxers and immediately throwing the covers off, heading straight to the shower and letting the cold water pelt against him while he rested his head against the wall.

It wasn't the first time he'd had a sex dream about Nick. It wasn't a regular occurrence, exactly, but it had happened enough times for him to lose count, and worse for him was that Sebastian had been there to witness it once. It was all very well, the teasing that followed, but Jeff's real fear was that one day he'd have a dream like that in front of _Nick. _And if Sebastian's teasing was correct, he wasn't exactly a subtle dreamer.

He sighed, turning off the shower and wrapping his arms around himself. Nick was his _best friend. _His best friend who was definitely straight, and had no problem reminding him whenever he could.

Jeff still remembered clearly when he'd finally managed to come out. It was terrifying, but in a weird way, he was also taking a shot in the dark. He and Nick often found courage in each other. And Jeff knew that if he came out… If he was _right _about Nick, he would come out, too.

He wanted to do it while everyone was there, to avoid the process over and over. When the Warbler meeting ended, Jeff stood up, asking if he could please have the floor.

"The floor is yours, Warbler Jeff," Wes had said, his tone as composed as ever. Jeff nodded his head, standing up and looking around, far too afraid to meet Nick's eye.

"There's something… Uh… Um. I've come to the realisation… I-It's…" He scratched the back of his head, feeling Nick's eyes burning all kinds of questions into him but Jeff could only meet his gaze very briefly before looking straight ahead, holding his head high and wearing a small smile. "I'm gay."

There was a chorus of cheering around him, and Jeff blushed, wondering if the others had actually suspected it themselves. Sebastian clapped him on the back and winked, telling him he'd happily help him out if Jeff needed help exploring his sexuality. Jeff giggled, blushing harder and politely declining Sebastian's offer. Wes gave him a curt nod from the desk, twirling the gavel in his hand while some people even got up to hug Jeff. It might have been a lot, but these people knew Jeff, and they knew he was the type to enjoy the warmth and approval of his peers. But even with the words of praise, the arms around him and the people who swore they knew all along, Jeff felt his heart sinking. He turned to his left, searching for the eyes of the one person he truly needed all of this from – but Nick's eyes were fixed ahead of him, his jaw clenched and his arms folded. Jeff looked at him long enough for Nick to be aware that his eyes were on him, but he didn't look up; merely shuffled uncomfortably under Jeff's gaze.

Nick couldn't look at him.

* * *

"Nick, would you say grace?"

"Mom…"

"Please, dear."

Nick pursed his lips together, glaring at his mother and hating how she purposefully avoided his gaze. It wasn't that Nick disrespected the tradition – it was the fact he couldn't help feel whenever his mom asked him to do something like this, it was like she was trying to keep him in check. As though what she was really asking was, _have you gone in the same direction as half your friends have yet? _Nick did his best, though. His family was his family. Even if he did wish his parents were around more to actually _do _things with them. Instead, it was a series of expensive holidays and family dinners, which his mom now cooked herself instead of hiring kitchen staff to do it. It was a start.

"So, Nick," his mom spoke again, and Nick used a lot of willpower not to roll his eyes. "Any girls you have your eye on?"

"Not since you asked yesterday," Nick replied, smiling sweetly and trying to sound the least sarcastic he could.

"It's been a while, Nick," his sister, Lucy, quipped, twirling spaghetti on her fork. "You sure you're not keeping something from us?"

"If I am, it's a surprise to me, too," Nick muttered, not looking up. Even with his eyes fixed on his plate, he knew Lucy was smirking at him. "How's the job search going, Lucy?" Nick asked, raising his eyebrows. Lucy's expression suddenly turned sour, her eyes silently telling him _well played. _Now it was Nick's turn to smirk.

It wasn't that his sister didn't have a job – she did, but their parents wouldn't approve of Lucy's modelling gig in the slightest. Luckily for her, their dad was far too busy to pay much attention to his daughter's life, and their mom wasn't an avid reader of any magazines, but Nick knew. Although he couldn't help feel big brotherish over some of the things the companies made her do or wear, he did his best to support her – because he knew, despite the brains in her head, this was what Lucy wanted.

"How about Jeff?" his dad asked suddenly, and Nick suddenly felt very nervous, but did all he could not to let it show. "He's round here so much, I don't see how he possibly could."

"He's not really looking for a relationship right now, dad," Nick smiled, hoping they'd just blow it off. "He'll find someone, someday."

"Has he ever had a girlfriend? I could swear you mention different girls now and then, Nick, but then we never hear anything about them!"

Nick tried his best not to growl in annoyance, clenching his fist under the table but turning to smile sweetly as his mom. Sometimes he wondered if his parents discussed their tactics on how to interrogate him. "You know, I'm sure he must've mentioned it but it's slipped my mind. Oh, well."

"For all the time the two of you spend together, you'd think you'd know something like that," his mom laughed, catching the eye of her husband. Nick had to clench his jaw.

"You know, actually? I think he was talking about this girl. I zone out sometimes."

"Oh, really?" his mother asked, and Nick nodded, smiling and shrugging.

"Stacey or Sophie or something. Really pretty. Goes to Crawford."

"Oh, how lovely," his mom smiled, and Nick was satisfied she was off his back, nodding at his mother but taking his phone out under the table. He hated having to do this.

'You've got a new girlfriend, if my mom asks,' he typed. 'Her name is Stacey. She's from Crawford. I hope you two are very happy together.'

He sent the text, hoping his teasing would soften the blow for Jeff. He wasn't ashamed of his best friend, but he couldn't tell his strict, God loving, rather-stuck-in-the-old-ways mom and dad that his best friend was gay. Especially when said best friend spent quite literally half his time there.

When Jeff had told him, he didn't know what to feel. His initial reaction admittedly wasn't a good one – how could Jeff announce something like that in front of everyone without telling him first? He knew it was stupid, but he felt betrayed. He and Jeff told each other everything, and to find out something as big as that in front of _everyone… _it made Nick feel unneeded, almost. But a part of him envied him. Jeff literally stood up and told everyone, all at once, that he was gay, and he'd even said it with a smile. Nick didn't understand how he could do that. He wished he could be as free as him.

But mainly, he feared for the nature of his and Jeff's relationship, especially when they were very close anyway. Would this change anything? Did Jeff expect something for him? Nick resented himself for his own reaction, but at the same time, just for a few minutes, he resented Jeff. It was possibly the worst few minutes of his life.

'Stacy,' Nick suddenly saw light up on his phone, and he bit his lip nervously. 'Was your mom not happy with my relationship with Sky, the public school girl? Tell her I was going through a phase! I can change!'

Nick made the mistake of laughing out loud, not realising his whole family had been in deep conversation about something very serious. His face fell, looking around apologetically before turning back to his phone.

'Don't you dare change, Sterling,' Nick warned, smiling down at his cell. 'I'll round up all your made up girlfriends and there _will _be an intervention.'

'Nicky, please. My poor heart can't take that.'

Nick bit his lip to stop himself laughing again, propping his chin on his hand before another text from Jeff came through.

'Can you tell your mom I'm dating twins? I want straight-Jeff to date twins.'

'No, she'll try and make us share!' Nick typed, but couldn't help wonder what his mom would say. He was finally caught out for texting but his dad, who demanded he hand over his phone, but not before Nick caught one last reply from Jeff;

'Hmmm. I don't like sharing, Nicky.'

_You're straight, _he immediately reminded himself, when his mind jumped to conclusions on reading Jeff's text that made his heart beat ten times faster. It wasn't the first time he'd caught a peek at Jeff's possessive side – and it wasn't the first time he had to remind himself he was straight because of it.

He really needed a girlfriend.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

()

The first time they kissed was tense, to say the least.

The Warblers were known for being the work hard, play hard types – which meant the second competition season was over, a party was almost the natural next step. They'd often hold little parties and gatherings in their dorms, on the down low – but just once a year, they had permission to take over the choir room and invite the whole school, replacing their acapella tones with large speakers and their synchronised movements with tipsy dancing. Sometimes, they even managed to get the door leading into the courtyard open, so people didn't have to go out into the hall to speak and the room didn't get too hot. For most of the Warblers, though, it meant the perfect forum for truth or dare.

The circle was at least 10 people wide. Blaine was still with them at this point, as was Kurt – who was still slightly bitter about having lost Regionals, but was at least grateful that tipsy Blaine wasn't making out with other people in front of him. David and Trent were shouting at each other from across the circle while Flint and Wes were laughing to the point of crying, every sassy remark being thrown to and throw received like it was the funniest punch line they'd ever heard. Nick and Jeff were sniggering at the side lines, finding Flint and Wes's reaction funnier than the actual shouting – but they were moreover just talking to each other, Nick resting against Jeff's shoulder and finding in his tipsy-going-on-drunk state that he really didn't care for boundaries that night. His hand rested on Jeff's knee, and every time he turned just a little to face Jeff more, he was close enough to feel Jeff's breath on his skin. He was barely even aware that the way they were talking could be interpreted as flirty.

"I'm glad we're so close," he murmured, gently stroking Jeff's knee. "Like… it would be _weird _if we weren't."

"Mmhmmm," Jeff giggled leaning his head against Nick's. "But! You didn't even _like _me when you first met me."

"No, no, it wasn't that I didn't _like _you," Nick started, turning to look at Jeff again and trying his best to look into his eyes, even though their closeness meant his eyes had cross a little bit. "I just didn't _understand_ you. Like, I didn't _get _it. You know?"

"No," Jeff admitted, laughing again. "But it's okay, because you like me now!"

"Yeah," Nick smiled. "I _really _like you, now. Which is why it would be weird if we weren't close? Because I can't… imagine my life without you, now?"

"Nicky," Jeff cooed, biting his lip and winding his arms around his waist. "You shouldn't just say things like that, you know."

"Why not?"

Jeff shook his head, grinning mischievously and offering no clues to what he really meant. "Doesn't matter," he said. "But that, I _do_ understand."

Nick smiled, shuffling slightly and resting his head in the crook of Jeff's neck, still looking up at him. "Did you like me straight away, then?" he asked, his eyes watching the never failing smile on Jeff's lips.

"It was impossible not to," he grinned. "You were always trying to act like this sincere, no nonsense guy, when really you were just adorable."

"I am _not _adorable," Nick snapped, but his pouting didn't help his statement at all. Jeff giggled, hugging him slightly tighter.

"Just to me," he assured him. "You're allowed to be adorable to me."

"Just for you, Jeffy."

Jeff smiled again, sighing happily and leaning his cheek against Nick's head. Nick felt a strong urge to hold Jeff's hand; something that wasn't entirely new to him, but still something he hadn't caved in to. It felt too much like crossing a line; like admitting something he couldn't even think of, yet. But with liquid confidence on his side, his hand trailed along Jeff's arm, working himself around to the idea until finally, his fingers came to link through Jeff's. The other boy didn't say anything; just closed his own fingers around Nick's. Nick didn't even try to hide the stupid smile that grew on his lips.

"Jeff," he whispered, not looking up from their hands. "I think I can feel your heartbeat."

"Really?" Jeff asked, blushing and letting his hair fall into his eyes. Nick continued to smile, stroking his thumb across Jeff's surprisingly soft hands.

"Yeah," he murmured, leaning a little more into him as if to make sure. "It's beating really fast."

"Oh," Jeff said, as if he wasn't already aware. He was sure he could feel his blush burning up his cheeks, but before he could try to justify it, the bottle that was being used to determine who's turn it was in Truth or Dare turned on him, and everyone cheered before someone blurted out,

"Wait, is it on Jeff, or Nick?"

"That is literally completely in the middle of them."

"Not that you can tell, really!"

"They're kind of asking for it, aren't they?"

"Come on. They've _always _been asking for it."

Jeff frowned, suddenly lost in everybody's words and smirking faces, not understanding but was sure he felt Nick go stiff in his arms. What was everyone getting so worked up over?

"I dare you two to kiss. For… 10-"

"20!"

"…15 seconds."

Jeff's mouth went dry. Anyone else would've looked at the other person with a shared feeling of anguish, pouting and exclaiming _do we reaaaaally have to? _or even made some kind of joke before going in for it and laughing it off straight after. But not them. The two of them were equally as frozen, staring at their darers with the same expression of anxiety.

"We could wait here _aaaaaall _day," someone said, but Jeff didn't catch who, still in a state of shock. He figured he was going to have to be the one to make light of the situation, since Nick hadn't moved at all and was giving a very closed off, hostile vibe that Jeff was sure he'd never experienced before. Finally, he smiled, moving his arms from Nick's waist to just hold him by the hips instead.

"C'mon," he said softly, hooking a finger under Nick's chin to turn his head to face him. "I'm not that bad."

Nick still seemed in shock, but the warmth in Jeff's smile and the teasing glint in his eye was everything he needed to remember this wasn't meant to be serious. His lips twitched slightly, the tiniest smile forming on his face.

"Besides," Jeff continued. "What kind of best friends would we be if we didn't have a drunken kissing story?"

Nick laughed, trailing off just before Jeff's lips touched his, the rest of the circle cheering and loudly counting down, but none of Nick's attention was on them. He'd kissed people before, drunk and sober – but he'd be lying if he ever tried to convince himself they came close to compare with this.

Jeff's lips moved with the perfect balance of softness and power, controlling the kiss like he knew Nick just wasn't capable in that moment. His heart had immediately began beating faster, suddenly needing to be closer to Jeff and wished he would hold him now that he'd caused Nick to pretty much melt into him, his mind so short circuited he wasn't even aware the others had stopped counting down. Jeff's hand slid across his jaw, changing the angle so the kiss was deeper and doing all he could to hold back any noise that gave away how much he was enjoying this. It was only then that the silence around him hit him, and he pulled away from Nick, chuckling at the small whine of protest from him before he looked into his eyes. The first thing he could translate from Nick's expression was confusion – but that quickly turned to fear when everyone else around them cheered.

"24 seconds, guys. I feel like you should forfeit for going over time."

"I made it 27, actually."

"Let's be honest, they weren't counting."

Jeff just laughed, and Nick laughed too but he could tell straight away it was nothing near genuine. His heart sinking, Jeff quickly exchanged a look with Blaine, thankful when the bow tie clad boy quickly diverted the attention away from them to continue the game. Jeff nudged Nick, feeling slightly sick when his best friend wouldn't look at him. He didn't seem to even like the fact he was close to him.

"It was just a dare, Nicky," Jeff whispered, getting a nod in return but nothing more. Jeff frowned, softly curling his fingers around Nick's arm. "Please talk to me?"

"It was just a dare," he agreed, looking at Jeff very briefly before facing forwards again. Jeff only got a small glimpse but he immediately registered the blush on Nick's face, and silently wondered if it was from the kissing… or if it was from embarrassment. He frowned, really needing Nick to laugh it off, but knew deep down it just wasn't going to happen. Perhaps it was just that he knew Nick well enough to know how not ok he was, and seconds later, after the heat was definitely off them, Nick excused himself to go back inside. The guilt he felt when he could feel Jeff's eyes following him was overridden by his own fear.

* * *

"Nick?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you ever… think about the future?"

Nick felt immediately nauseated in his stomach. The evening itself was quite simple, in a beautiful way – they were situated on Nick's roof, facing the purple-pink sky where the sun was setting, casting a low, orange glow against both of their faces. Nick's street was never particularly busy, so all they had in terms of background noise was the sound of a few birds chirping in the distance, the occasional bark of a dog, and each other's breathing. It didn't sound like much, but still – it was moments like this they cherished. Even if they never really told each other that.

Jeff's question had been incredibly out of the blue, considering the easy silence that had been drawn out between them before, and it wasn't a question Nick was keen to answer – the future was something he did all he could not to think about.

"No," he replied honestly, turning to look at Jeff. The blonde was already looking at him, his eyebrows twitching ever so slightly as though it wasn't quite what he expected to hear.

"Never?" he asked. It was clear he was nervous about something, which only made Nick feel worse.

"Never," he confirmed. Jeff nodded, dropping his gaze to look back out at the sky.

"Why?" he asked quietly. Nick grimaced, not wanting to blow Jeff off but really not wanting to discuss this – but Jeff was like a curious puppy. If he wanted to know, he'd ask. There were times when he loved that about Jeff, but right now he wished his best friend would put his curiosity second to the obvious resentment in Nick's stance.

"I just don't like thinking about it," he murmured.

"Why?"

"Jeff," Nick said, a little more firmly so that he had to face him. "I really don't want to talk about this. Okay?"

Jeff had to bite his lip to stop himself asking 'why' again – but that didn't stop him wanting to know. Wanting to _help. _On top of having worked himself up to finally get to this topic of conversation, only to be turned away, he was desperate to persevere.

"Nicky," he started, and Nick immediately folded his arms and pulled his legs towards his chest. Jeff's heart sunk, trailing off on seeing the state of his best friend. It was so rare to see him closed off to him, but the vulnerability in his eyes when he finally looked at Jeff again was even worse to behold. "You don't have to be scared," he said softly. "Your future's gonna be _amazing._"

Nick bit his lip, not expecting Jeff to understand his fear – Jeff was free spirited, with a supportive family and wild dreams he was ready to chase. Nick had a conservative family with high expectations. Nick's future already held a heavy burden for him, and looked more like a fill in the gaps game then it did a horizon of possibility. It was a case of who will his _wife _be? What _law firm _will he work for? Where Jeff had possibility, he had fear. Restraint. His future was one thing he truly hated.

And he knew exactly what Jeff would say if he told him – _just follow your dreams, _like it was something easily done. But Nick's future was so set in stone, he wasn't even sure what his dreams were. And _that _was scary.

"Tell me about yours, Jeff," he said quietly, closing his eyes. "What you want your future to be, I mean."

"Promise not to laugh at me?"

"I promise," Nick smiled.

"Okay," Jeff said, but secretly, he was scared, too. "I think… no, I know I want to go to college… to dance."

"Dance?"

"Mhmm," Jeff confirmed, swallowing anxiously. "I know it sounds risky… but… there's nothing I enjoy more. I've gotta take a shot at it, you know? And I'm good. I know I am." A small smile twitched on his lips, and Nick cracked open an eye to see. He hadn't told him, yet, but he loved when Jeff spoke about things he was passionate about. "And when I leave, I'll join a dance crew or something. Tour around a bit, you know? Live. See things. Meet people. And when I've done that for a while, or I need to settle down, I'll became an instructor. That way, I can keep doing it."

"You really love it, huh?"

Jeff's smile widened. "I really do. I never said anything before because… I don't know, I guess I didn't want people to just laugh at me. 'Cause it's real for me, you know? It's what I wanna dedicate my life to."

Nick looked at him for a long time, admiring his courage and just his ability to dictate the rest of his life.

"But doesn't it scare you that you might… I mean, that's risky, isn't it?"

Jeff nodded, drawing his lips into his mouth as he thought. "It's a risk I'm willing to take. If I play it safe… I'll be safe, but I won't be happy."

Nick's eyes sparkled at his best friend, smiling but feeling an acute emptiness in his own gut. Jeff having it so worked out had him feeling almost left behind.

"You're a great dancer," he whispered, and Jeff smiled thankfully. "Tell me more?"

Jeff grinned, and Nick's eyes closed again as he painted the picture for him. Jeff was going to tour all around America before touring the world, several times, and maybe even change around so he could switch up the type of dancing. He liked the freedom and fun of street dance, but he also liked the discipline and technique of ballet, and a lot of things in between. He'd come back as much as he could, though, because he'd have to see his family – but he prefers the idea of living somewhere busy and sunny, either San Francisco or LA, he thinks. As he gets older, he might even open up his own dance studio. It made Nick happy to hear Jeff's plans, even more so when Jeff reassured him "I'll work you in there, Nicky, one way or another. You're not getting rid of me!", but he couldn't help notice the absence of one big thing. When Jeff finally came to a close, Nick waited a little longer, hoping it would come, like he just forgot. He didn't want him to have purposefully missed it out.

"Anything else?" he asked, almost hopefully. Jeff giggled and shrugged, looking up at the ever darkening sky.

"I don't think so," he said easily. "But I guess if there is, you'll be there to see it."

"…Yeah," Nick agreed, looking up too. "But what about… What do you think about… marriage and stuff?"

"Yeah," Jeff nodded, his voice a little quieter. "I'd like to do that one day."

It didn't seem enough, considering the amount Jeff had to say about everything else. Nick frowned, but Jeff's dreaming eyes stayed on the sky, where he was happy.

"Have you ever been in love, Jeff?"

Jeff's head lolled to the side, looking at Nick again with a thoughtful expression. After a moment, he smiled, shrugging like it was all just amusing to him.

"I've never had a boyfriend," he reminded him, his gaze faltering like the topic of his sexuality was still hard around Nick. Nick bit his lip, suddenly overwhelmed with curiosity.

"Have you ever done _anything _with a guy?"

Jeff blushed, smirking and looking away. "I've not had sex, if that's what you mean."

"So you've done other stuff?"

"Nicky," Jeff whined, pouting at him. "You're making me sound like a slut."

"So you _have!_"

"But I haven't had _sex,_" Jeff stressed, a sudden glint in his eye. "And that's special, y'know? I mean, I've almost been tempted, but… I'm saving that. For someone I love. And who loves me."

Nick smiled, wanting to tease Jeff some more but found he just couldn't. Jeff smiled back, but quickly turned his attention back to the sky, closing his eyes like it could wash over him. Nick found himself thinking more on what Jeff had said than he'd have liked; how other people had _touched _him, and he'd probably moaned their names – probably made them feel good, too. The nauseous feeling was back in his stomach.

"How long do you think you'll wait?" Nick asked quietly. "For the person you love?"

"However long it takes," Jeff answered, his eyes opening but staying ahead.

"What if it's a really long time?"

"I'll wait," he said softly, turning to look at Nick. As soon as their eyes met, Nick felt his heart skip a beat, the word _thank you _on the tip of his tongue before he realised that didn't make sense. But there was something in the way Jeff was looking at him… something under the patience and happiness that made him both excited and nervous all at once.

That night, for the first time in what could be forever, Nick let himself dream of the future.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"I'm ho-_ugh!_"

"Jeeeeeeff!"

"Jeff, sweetie? You're back? Could you take the dog out, please?"

"I _just _got back-"

"Jeff! I made brownies! Do you want a brownie?"

"Oooh yeah! In a second! After I-"

"_Who am IIIIIIIIIIIIII?!_"

"_OW!"_

Jeff suddenly found himself on the floor, having been knocked over by his older brother tackling him to the ground. He groaned, batting his dog away when the scruffy Jack Russell bounded towards him and started licking his face before pushing himself back up from the floor, glaring at his brother who was grinning cheekily up at him.

"That would be much more tolerable if we had carpeted floors," Jeff grumbled. "You can just say hello you know, Zach."

"I can," he agreed, standing up and brushing himself off. "But that's not _nearly _as fun."

Jeff glared a little longer before grinning fondly, grabbing his brother in a headlock and ruffling his hair – dark brown, much unlike Jeff's.

"Lemmie _goooo!_" Zach whined, but Jeff only laughed until Zach tickled him so he had no option but to release him. Jeff pouted, and Zach smirked, pushing his shoulder playfully.

"Now, that's enough, you two," their mom said, appearing in the doorway of the kitchen. There was some loud banging and crashing behind her, but she seemed unfazed. "Jeff, honey, please don't eat a brownie beforedinner. It'll be on the table in 20 minutes."

"But you all got to have one," Jeff pouted. His mom just smiled fondly.

"After dinner," she pressed. "Lydia made enough to feed an army; you won't be missing out."

"Okaaaay," Jeff sighed, walking forward to hug his mom. Behind her, he saw Lydia rushing around the kitchen, but no longer dressed for baking; she had dungarees on, an old, dirty white t-shirt and goggles perched on top of her head. Whatever she was doing now, it was nothing as tame as baking.

"Deeeeee," Jeff cooed, after his mom let him go to keep cooking dinner. "Whatcha dooooing?"

"Making stuff," she replied, grinning wildly. Jeff and Lydia were twins, and their appearance meant no one had to ask upon meeting them both – her hair was mostly a dirty blonde colour, with dark brown underneath as well as showing at her roots a little. She shared Jeff's bright brown eyes, long eyelashes and generally happy expression – except with her, there was often an almost manic element about it.

"Is it in the yard?" Jeff asked, looking towards the back door. "Can I see?"

"Not yet," Lydia said, a glint in her eye. "Also… don't go out there. Floor's covered in nails. And glue. A lot of glue."

"Ah," Jeff grinned. "I swear, the paving out there looks more and more like an art studio every day."

"Rightly so," Lydia smiled, pushing the goggles back on to her face and saluting him before heading back outside. Jeff laughed, before he spotted his little sister Tilly in the corner of his eye, and turned to see her crawling around and pretending to be a cat. He giggled, approaching and leaning down before stroking her head to play along.

"Hey, Kitty," he beamed. Tilly peaked up at him and smiled, nudging against his knee with her cheek. "You had a good day?" Tilly purred in reply – or at least, tried to, and Jeff laughed, ruffling her hair. Tilly was the youngest of them, at 9 years old, and had natural golden hair that was cut into a bob. People often thought she and her slightly older brother, Gordo, were twins, too – but he was 3 years older than her, and didn't hesitate to remind people. Zach was the oldest of them, at 19, and was currently in his second year of University but had returned for the summer. There was never a dull moment in Jeff's house.

"Where have you been today, honey?" his mom asked, while Jeff continued to stroke Tilly's hair who was now licking her hand and pretending to clean her ears.

"Nick's house," Jeff and Tilly said at the same time, and Tilly giggled. Jeff bopped her on the noise playfully, but knew already he was blushing.

"Do his parents mind how much time you spend there? I feel like I should be putting some money towards their bills or something."

"They don't need it," Jeff reassured her, immediately feeling guilty for his throw away comment.

"Why doesn't he come here more?" she asked. Jeff just raised an eyebrow at her, as if to say _do you really need to ask? _

"It's hardly peaceful here," he reasoned. "And I guess I kinda just like going there, anyway. His house is big but his garden is _massive._"

"Does he have a pool?" Tilly asked. "Does it have dolphins?"

"He should get dolphins," Jeff grinned. "I'll make sure to tell him that."

"Can I swim with them?"

"I'll ask."

"You're the best," Tilly smiled, nudging against him again. Jeff laughed, giving her hair a quick ruffle before finally standing up, getting some plates out to help his mom.

"You do spend a lot of time together, Jeffrey," his mom said, looking at him with a knowing glint in her eye. Jeff raised his eyebrows, laying the plates out on the side.

"He's my best friend," he reminded her. "You sound like the guys at school, mom."

"But the 'guys at school' don't know you like I do," she pointed out, stopping with the pot she was stirring for a moment so she could face him. "Is there something you wanna tell me?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jeff mumbled, folding his arms and leaning against the counter. "Are you sure your mother's intuition isn't off?"

"There is one thing I'm sure of, sweetie," she said, taking both his hands into hers and looking him dead in the eye. "And that's that you're scared. I don't know what of, but when you're ready, you can talk to me. Okay?"

"Okay," Jeff said automatically, uncomfortable under his mother's all seeing eye. She shook her head, smiling softly.

"I mean it, Jeff. I know what you're like. If I see you close up just a little bit, I won't leave you alone until you talk to me, okay?"

"Mom-"

"Jeff?"

"…Okay," he sighed, and his mom smiled, giving him a quick hug.

"Could you go get your dad? Tell him it'll be ready in five minutes?"

"He's home?" Jeff asked, eyes widening a little. His mom smiled.

"He's home, pumpkin."

A trademark grin lighting up his face, Jeff shot off down the hall, leaping over his little sister and dodging Zach as he made to sprint up the stairs. He ran all the way but stopped nervously when he reached the door, knocking and feeling strangely anxious. He hadn't seen his dad in about four months.

When he opened the door, his own grin widened so far it hurt. Daniel Sterling stood tall and smiley, facing Jeff with a knowing glint in his eye and arms outstretched. Jeff found he had to take him in for a moment, staring into the eyes that were almost exactly the same as his own before laughing and running into his dad's arms, hugging him just as tightly as his dad. He tried to push down the tears rising to his eyes.

"You're back," he finally said, pulling away and feeling better seeing tears in his father's eyes. "I knew it was gonna be soon, but I didn't realise today!"

"I'd have told you, but I didn't want something happening that would mean I'd have to go back and then go through telling you I'd be later," he explained, squeezing Jeff's shoulder. "But I'm home, now."

"How long for?" Jeff asked, but his dad just shrugged, still smiling.

"I can't know that until they know that. We'll see. But for now, I'm here."

"It's great to have you back," Jeff smiled, quickly hugging his dad again until he heard Zach's voice tear through the air, screaming _"Dinner's ready!" _They both laughed, and Jeff led the way back down, completely unable to stop smiling. He was never really allowed to know why his dad was leaving, or where for. His dad always explained it as 'government work', but with little hints dropped here and there, Jeff soon caught on that it was much more than that. Which scared him, because he knew whatever his dad did, it was dangerous – but still, he always managed to come home in one piece, and the pay check was very generous. Jeff knew it was something his dad loved doing, too, even if it did take him away from them for considerable lengths of time.

As if by seamless routine, the Sterling family gathered round the table, chairs scraping across the floor and mindless chatter thrown around as their mom began to bring in food. It was a lamb roast, one of Jeff's dad's favourites, complete with mint sauce and the small Yorkshire puddings that Tilly often got very excited over.

"Mommy, can I eat my food down here?" the youngest sister asked, peering up at her mom from the floor in a crouched position that was meant to resemble a cat. Her mom put her hands on her hips, raising her eyebrows before kneeling down.

"Cats are lovely creatures, I agree. But you know what's an even more impressive creature? Creatures like you."

"Like me?"

"Yup," she smiled. "My own little cat-human crossbreed. And we'd sure like it if you could grace us with your unique presence at our table!"

"Okay," Tilly sighed crawling up onto her chair and smiling at the sight of the small Yorkshire puddings. Jeff beamed, forever in awe at his mom's ability to tame her children, but was quickly distracted when his phone went off loudly in his pocket. Everyone looked at him, Zack shaking his head in pretend disapproval and his mom with keen interest.

"Who's that, sweetie?" she asked, piling some potatoes onto her plate. Jeff's eyes were on his phone, trying not to smile too much but nonetheless, everyone knew his answer.

"Just Nick," he replied, once again in tandem with Tilly. She giggled, shovelling 5 Yorkshire puddings onto her plate and nothing else. Her dad patiently loaded some vegetables and meat onto her plate, while Jeff frowned at her before feeling guilty.

"How are things with you two?" his dad asked. "Any… developments?"

Jeff looked from his mom back to his dad again, wondering what they'd been talking about behind his back.

"Everything's fine," Jeff nodded. "He was just telling me about a party that happening soon."

"Don't get too drunk, Jeff," Zack teased, and Jeff blanched, hoping his brother wasn't about to break into the tale again of how Jeff had to sleep in his brothers room, spending most of the night professing he _just wants to dance _and trying to get out on the street so he could freestyle on the road. It wasn't his finest moment.

"It's just a thing with the guys," Jeff mumbled. "Wes is coming down for a few days, and Blaine's finally found his way back into the circle. It's been ages since we hung out with him properly."

"Just don't do anything irresponsible," his mom smiled. "Are you staying at Nick's?"

"It's at his house, so yeah."

"He'll take care of you," she said surely, closing the conversation. It could've passed as a throw away comment, but Jeff was surprised at how much his mom saw into their relationship, and how much trust she put into Nick even though most things she knew about him were through Jeff. But perhaps it was just some kind of common knowledge by that time.

Nick would always take care of Jeff. Even if there was some kind of hurt at first.

* * *

Parties with the Warblers were always eventful. Whether it was surprise hook ups, shocking declarations or scandalous pranks, if there was alcohol, it would happen. Jeff knew, especially with the addition of Blaine, and then later Nick's sister coming to join them, the chances of this being a tame kind of gathering were completely out the window. The beers had been opened and the bottle was on the ground to dictate the next victim of truth or dare, and Jeff was smiling confidently at Nick from across the circle, having betted him by the end of the evening Sebastian and Blaine would have kissed. Nick only raised his eyebrows and shook his head, wavering Jeff's confidence considering Nick was sat right next to them and could hear what they were saying. He leant forward, spinning the bottle again and smirking when it landed dead on Blaine.

"Truth or dare?" he asked, not doing a very good job of keeping the glint out of his eye. As if Blaine already knew the game Jeff was playing, he stuttered, narrowing his eyes a little before replying,

"Truth."

"_Fiiiine,_" Jeff huffed, rolling his eyes and not missing how Nick was chuckling next to Blaine. "If you could kiss anyone in this circle, who would it be?"

He could see he'd thrown him off in the way Blaine's eyes suddenly got harder, and he chanced another look at Nick, channelling his incredibly bold self confidence in the matter. Nick just shook his head again, knowing Jeff's efforts weren't enough.

"Why, of course it would be the lovely Lucy," Blaine replied, looking over and smiling at Nick's sister. Jeff slunk down, silently cursing Blaine's invincible charm that could save him in these situations. Nick had betted on Blaine's loyalty. Jeff had betted on Blaine's inability to contain himself when drunk – but he hadn't counted on Blaine not actually drinking. He sighed, rolling his eyes fondly at Nick and silently accepting he'd lost. Nick smirked, his head lolling slightly from the alcohol consumption.

When the bottle was spun again, it landed on Sebastian. Jeff bit his lip, knowing already to expect something good – Sebastian was the most fearless, and perhaps most reckless of any of them, and went to extreme lengths to show it. And just to top it off, it was Lucy asking the question – and she wouldn't let him off easily.

However, he wasn't smiling anymore when the dare progressed into a two-person participation.

"The next person this lands on, you have to successfully seduce," Lucy told him. "And by that I mean so they're standing to attention. Got it, Smythe? And no kissing."

"'Standing to attention'?" Sebastian smirked. "Since when did you take care not to sound so perverse, Lucy?"

"Blaine's in the circle. I don't want to ruin his innocence."

Jeff looked up to see Nick pulls his legs against his chest protectively, and he smiled – a large part of Nick's behaviour was resentment of his sister sitting with them, but she was a hit with most of his friends, especially when there was a party. This wasn't the worst dare Lucy had ever dished out, though, and she frequently dared the guys to do a lap dance or a striptease because she loved having something to tease them with. When she leant forward to spin the bottle again, it barely occurred to Jeff what was going on, too busy trying to catch Nick's eye – but suddenly, everyone was looking at Nick, and Nick was staring down at the bottle like it had wronged him somehow.

"Nicky, Nicky, Nicky."

"Guess we're about to see how straight you really are," Sebastian teased with a wink, and Nick's eyes darted around, doing all he could to keep his composure.

"Don't I get a say in this?" he grumbled, but a resounding _no _came as his response from both Sebastian and his sister. He cringed, and Sebastian moved to sit dead in front of Nick, smirking at him while getting a glare in return. Jeff was fully aware how his face had twisted into repulsion, but he could barely contain it – Nick didn't want this. And he hated how he didn't say anything, didn't stand up for himself and tell his sister it was a stupid idea… but more than anything, he hated how Sebastian was trailing his fingers slowly up Nick's sides, how his lips were in Nick's ear and whispering. Jeff felt sick.

The game had long since continued while Sebastian fulfilled his dare, David laughing next to him about something and constantly nudging him. Jeff was oblivious, though, watching Nick's hands grip into Sebastian's shirt, his head dropping onto his shoulder as he did all he could to retain a neutral expression. When he looked to the left of them, he noticed Blaine trying to eavesdrop, looking both shocked and maybe even intrigued by whatever Sebastian was saying. It couldn't be enough, though. Surely. Sebastian would _lose _the dare.

But then Nick's hands tightened and Sebastian's hand was running along his thigh, eventually cupping Nick's crotch and making Nick gasp _"Sebastian._" Sebastian grinned, making some comment about how he could help Nick out before pressing a chaste kiss against his lips and finally moving away, leaving Nick glaring and blushing in his wake. Jeff felt a sinking in his chest that he'd never felt before, pulling his knees up to his chest and looking down, staring at one spot on the ground as the world became muffled background noise to him. It hurt. It _hurt._

It hurt so much, being in love with his best friend.

The rest of the night was a blur of trying to talk to Nick and trying to forget the whole thing ever happened. It was a lost cause, though; every time he approached Nick, he'd walk away, making it painfully obvious he did _not _want to speak to Jeff. In the end, Jeff found himself not speaking to anyone, entering the space in his mind that made him numb to the rest of the world until he had the strength to come back. A shell of a person.

They'd all fallen asleep in Nick's room. Some splayed out on the bed (and definitely far too many people, Jeff was learning, trying to get comfy between David's elbow and Thad's leg, starting to wonder how they came to be in this position in the first place) and others scattered across the floor, some with blankets and others with the cosy haze of alcohol to lull them to sleep. Jeff found himself in and out of sleep, though, hating how aware he was that Nick wasn't even in the _room, _having left early on to sleep somewhere else. A part of him – probably the drunk part – thought it would be a good idea to go and find him, now that the party had subsided and there was nowhere for Nick to excuse himself to. But there was a bigger part of him that was terrified of pushing it.

At about 3am in the morning, Jeff found himself stirring again, barely able to move in the position he was in but enough to turn his head and realise that this time, he may have been woken up by someone else, and not just his restless mind. Sebastian was sat up on the floor, his expression barely visible in the darkness but Jeff could see he was stroking the side of Blaine's face, whispering something that wasn't making any sense to him. He sat up a bit more, carefully rearranging David's arm and silently thanking years of ballet lessons as he gracefully pulled himself away from the bed, rubbing his eyes.

"Sebastian?" he murmured, his voice coming out weirdly deep but he was too conscious of the silence to clear his throat. Sebastian's head whipped round and drew his hand back, very much resembling a deer in headlights.

"Jeff?" he whispered, folding his arms defensively. Jeff carefully stood up completely, tip toeing across the Warbler covered floor until he reached Sebastian, slumping down on the floor and finding he couldn't quite bring himself to look at him, still.

"What are you doing up?" Jeff asked, playing with his hands. His voice sounded very strained, and in the back of his mind he knew it was stupid for what happened earlier to still be bothering him, but it did – and he couldn't help hold Sebastian accountable.

"I… my cell went off," Sebastian replied, looking at the phone in his lap. "Just a pocket dial."

"When I saw you just now, Seb, you were on Blaine's face, not your cell."

He'd meant it to come out as some kind of biting remark, or maybe even teasing, but alas, Sebastian was lost for words, refusing to acknowledge he'd shown any kind of affection. Jeff's eyes locked on him for a moment, his teeth grinding together before he decided it would be better to talk this out now than to hold a grudge. It didn't stop him from talking through his teeth, though.

"We made a bet, me and Nick. That you two would kiss."

"Of course you did," Sebastian smirked, trying to be light and teasing but Jeff's eyes only narrowed. "Who won?"

"Nick," he murmured. "But I guess he has to be speaking to me to collect his winnings."

Sebastian's face fell, and Jeff couldn't help feel a little bit better knowing he at least felt guilty about this. "Jeff-"

"Why'd you do it?" he asked, looking at Sebastian properly. Sebastian couldn't help be thrown off on seeing the venom in Jeff's eyes, realising he had to tread carefully if he wanted the embodiment of sunshine back to his natural state and not burning him into a thousand pieces. "I know you were dared to, but… you're _Sebastian. _You can get out of any situation if you wanted to."

"It wasn't like I-"

"I know I'm over reacting," Jeff sighed, cutting Sebastian off again. "But he hasn't laughed it off, like I hoped he would. He was just looking at you, the _whole _night, and when I tried to talk to him he just ignored me. And maybe you don't care, but that hurt."

"Of course I care," Sebastian snapped, his temper stilted by tiredness. He ran a hand through his hair, taking a moment to recollect himself. "I could've done worse. But I know how you feel about him-"

"You don't know anythi-"

"You think denying this is gonna make it easier for you?" he whispered harshly, and Jeff bit his lip and dropped his gaze, again. "You're running out of time, Jeff. This time next year, you'll both be weeks away from moving to college. Imagine if you're still at the same stage you're at now. What if you end up in two separate places, and you try to see and speak to each other as much as you can but it gets harder and harder and you end up drifting apart? And then this time, in two years, you feel weird around each other because college changed you, and you realise you're different people, and all you have left between you is regret? Is that what you want?"

Jeff was silent. Sebastian couldn't see any obvious reaction on his face, but he noticed his hands had balled into fists, and if he could see Jeff's eyes after he'd dropped his head to hide his expression, he would be able to see just how scared he was. Sebastian's words were like cold water over him, and not because he was drunk – because he'd been in denial of something for such a long time, assuming it would sort itself out and just letting himself enjoy the ride. But it wasn't that simple. And the thought of him and Nick turning into those 'two guys who used to be best friends in high school', of them seeing each other on the street in 10 years time and not knowing how to act? The realisation that it just might happen made him feel sick.

"Jeff?"

"No," he finally whispered, looking up at Sebastian to reveal glassy, scared eyes. "But we won't do that. We won't get like that."

"You've gotta stop saying and start doing. I know it's scary, but the long term outcome if you don't do anything is scarier. You've gotta get in there, Jeff. Making heart eyes at Nick and leaving it at that won't get you anywhere."

"You're one to talk," Jeff scoffed, looking back at Blaine for a moment. "You know, you should take your own advice."

"…This isn't about me" Sebastian frowned, not even wanting to know what Jeff was talking about. Sebastian Smythe certainly did _not _make heart eyes. "You know what I was saying to Nick, when I was doing the dare?"

Jeff's eyes narrowed, feeling sick for a whole different reason. "I don't see what this has to do with anything…"

"When I started talking, the first thing I said to him was, 'think of that one person'. And immediately, he was blushing." Jeff didn't say anything, just dropped his gaze, and Sebastian knew he already understood but continued to talk. "Say that to anyone, and they think of the first person in their heart. And from that point on, I wasn't whispering flirtatious little things of my own in his ear. I was talking about you. I didn't have to say your name, but since I said that, I knew he was thinking of you."

Jeff looked at him curiously, his eyes still narrowed but more in thought as opposed to a more vicious emotion. If what Sebastian was saying was true, and Sebastian was many things but never a _liar, _there was a chance his feelings for Nick didn't have to be so tragic. He thought of how Nick's hands had been tight in his shirt, his resolve crumbling the moment he'd dropped his head on Sebastian's shoulder and let in whatever Sebastian was saying. Could he really have been thinking of Jeff?

"He got like that… because of me," Jeff murmured, more to himself than Sebastian. "That's gotta mean something, right?"

"Oh, Jeffrey, that _certainly _isn't the only indication that that boy is head over heels in love with you."

"One step at a time, Sebastian," Jeff said, although he suddenly had to wonder just how deep Nick did feel for him, if he did at all. "And don't call me Jeffrey."

"Would you rather I called you _Jeffy?_" Sebastian teased, earning a first class glare from the blonde.

"Only Nick gets to call me that," he said protectively, unable to stop the small smile on his face. He bit his lip, his heart warm now that he had hope; a dangerous thing, but something that couldn't exist without a glimmer of possibility. His smile grew. "I'll talk to him. I'm gonna do something about this," he decided aloud, nodding to himself. "But don't think I'm not mad at you, still."

"You'll thank me one day," Sebastian smirked, winking at Jeff. The other boy rolled his eyes, but nothing could wipe the smile off his face. Not when there was really a chance that Nick could love him back.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Nick did not feel well.

All the Warblers had left his house, and most of them had left to go home except from Jeff, who had left to obtain McDonalds as part of Nick's hangover cure. He hadn't thought he'd drunk _that _much, but still, there he was; sluggishly picking up empty beer cans in the garden with his sister and hoping the sun didn't peek out from the clouds any time soon.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," Lucy said, helping Nick clean up. Nick only grunted in reply, not sure what part she was talking about but happy to not think about it at all. That didn't seem good enough for Lucy, though, who abandoned her bin bag and stopped in front of Nick.

"You know I love you, right?" she told him, looking at him with apologetic eyes. "No matter what."

"What do you want?" Nick asked, his own gaze very unforgiving, and very sleepy. Lucy frowned.

"Nothing. I just-"

"You only act like this when you want something. So," Nick shrugged, getting more irritable by the second by Lucy still just standing there and looking at him like he was dying. "What is it?"

"Are you gay?" she whispered. Nick rolled his eyes. Lucy talked a big game of how she'd love Nick no matter what, but the way her face was screwed up said differently. It was more that she knew it was the right thing to say.

"No," he said firmly. "Can we finish this now, please? I need to sleep for seventy years."

"But last night, Sebastian-"

"I was drunk, Lucy. And Sebastian is very, very clever. And he's also a dick. It's no wonder the two of you get along so well."

Lucy frowned again, but left it, storming back inside without so much as taking the bin bag to the trash. Nick groaned, dropping his own bin bag and closing his eyes, resting his head in his hands. He didn't even have the energy to be surprised when he felt two familiar arms wrap around him from behind.

"Special delivery," Jeff sung, not too loudly.

"You're a star," Nick murmured, but didn't have it in him to pull away from Jeff yet. "I'm sorry I avoided you last night, Jeffy."

"It's okay," Jeff smiled. "Sebastian's a dick."

"Right?!" Nick agreed, finally smiling as well and turning to accept the paper bag of hangover food. Jeff looked at him expectantly, lips pressed together and eyes slightly narrowed.

"Did you wanna talk about it?"

"Talk about what?" Nick asked, lowering himself to the ground and biting into a cheeseburger. He envied Jeff for not getting hangovers.

"Last night," Jeff replied, sitting down next to him. Nick sighed, slumping against him as he ate.

"I really, _really _don't," he confessed. "I'd rather forget it. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get teased about this for the next decade of my life."

"I won't tease you," Jeff murmured. "I promise."

"I know, Jeffy. That's why you're my favourite."

Jeff chuckled, but couldn't help feel a bit disappointed, having no idea how to coax out Nick's true feelings about him. It definitely wasn't going to be easy; if Nick wanted something hidden, it stayed hidden. Pulling something like this out of him would be like trying to follow a treasure map with no definite X marking the spot.

"Hey, Nicky?"

"Hmm?"

"You know… You know when you asked me if I've ever been in love… Have you?"

Nick stayed silent for a moment, his expression virtually unchanging as he swallowed down another gulp of cheeseburger. "What brought this on?" he asked.

"Oh- nothing, I just… I realised I never asked you. And I guess I'm curious," he shrugged. Nick smiled.

"I haven't," he told him, taking another bite. Jeff didn't know what he'd expected. But that was the thing about Nick, though –

He was a brilliant liar.

* * *

()

"Someone can't handle their drink!"

"Shut _up, _Sebastian," Nick snapped, even though the other boy had a fair point. They were at another Warbler party – this time, one in Wes and David's room, the music not as loud as it could've been but the alcohol still flowed freely. It was nearing Christmas, but despite the cold, Nick found himself drawn to the outside, being frequently stopped by Sebastian. Nick could only stagger back, drunker than he'd ever been before.

"Why won't you let me outside?" he asked, his words slurring together. Sebastian raised his eyebrows, Nick being his sole amusement for the whole night.

"Because you'll probably pass out somewhere and die of frostbite," he told him. "Besides, the party's in here."

"I don't _caaare,_" Nick sighed, leaning his head against the wall. "Jeff's not in here, is he? Why isn't he? We should visit Jeff."

"You realise that's the sixth time you've made that statement, right?"

"Where is he?" Nick asked, trying to straighten up but just falling the other way. Sebastian caught him just in time, biting down hard on his lip to stop himself from laughing.

"He had to go home, remember? He has to wake up early for something or something."

Nick frowned, looking very lost as he tried to process this information. "I wanted him to stay."

"Awwww," Sebastian teased. "Missing Jeffy?"

"Hey," Nick slurred. "Only I call him that."

"You're awfully touchy over a nickname, _Nicky._"

"Hey," Nick said again, his hand held out like he was trying to make a firm statement but ended up just tilting an alarming amount. "Don't start that. 's not your nickname for me. You know that."

"Yeah," Sebastian grinned. "That's saved for your boyfriend."

Nick hummed, narrowing his eyes and staggering slightly. "Don't start that again, either."

"Serious question, though. You know I'm not gonna judge you or think differently of you, but still, I can't help but wonder." Nick looked at the floor, sure he knew what was about to be asked. "Are you gay, Nick?"

"No," he sighed, looking Sebastian in the eye. "Why does everyone keep asking me that?"

"Because they're not blind," Sebastian said, raising his eyebrow. "And they can see the way you look at Jeff."

"That's stupid. I don't look at him in a _way. _I just look at him. Like I look at everyone else. With my eyes."

"Oh Nick, if you looked at everyone else the way you looked at Jeff you would _definitely _be questioning your sexuality."

Nick sighed again, pressing his lips together and stabling himself against a wall. He looked at Sebastian for a long time, blinking slowly with a thoughtful expression. Sebastian waited patiently, practically sensing there was something important on the tip of his tongue.

"I'm not gay," he said again, and Sebastian almost had to believe him with the overwhelming amount of vulnerability on his face. "But… Jeff's different."

"Oh?" Sebastian asked, eyebrows raised. Nick's eyes closed, like he could convince himself if he wasn't present in the moment, it might not really be happening.

"He's still my best friend… the bestest friend _ever, _but he's also so…" There was a long pause, Nick grappling for the right word and looking at Sebastian as though he could find the answer in his eyes. "Special."

"So you _do _like him?" Sebastian asked, unable to keep the smile off his face.

"I… It's not that simple," Nick stuttered. "Like, it _scares _me, you know? Because I _am _straight. I've never liked a guy before. I'm not really attracted to guys. And people in my family, they won't understand, or _care _how real it is. Or that it makes me happy. And also… I don't wanna risk things changing between us," he admitted. "But I can't deny how I… how I feel."

"What if none of that mattered? And if he liked you, too? What would you do?"

Nick shook his head. "I can't start thinking like that. It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does," Sebastian said, stepping closer to Nick. "Think about it. Have you ever felt this way about anyone else?"

"No," Nick murmured. "Jeff's special. Honestly, I don't think anyone could ever know me like he does." He shook his head again, stepping out to get his beer from the table and taking a long swig. "He gives me hope for things I'd thought were… were hopeless before, you know? And when I'm with him, everything just feels…" he bit his lip, blushing and rubbing his hand against his forehead. "Forget it," he mumbled. "I don't expect you to understand."

Sebastian pressed his lips together, seeming slightly offended but just shaking it off, taking a sip of his own beer.

"Well, if it's any consolation, Jeff looks at you the same as you look at him."

"Like I said, it doesn't matter," Nick grunted, casting one more long look at Sebastian before pushing himself off the wall and staggering away, deciding he needed to find more alcohol after that conversation. It wasn't something he wanted to recall the next day – but the worst part for him was, he knew Sebastian would happily remind him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

()

"You're auditioning, too?"

Nick's head snapped up, meeting the warm, familiar eyes off Jeff Sterling and immediately looking away. There was far too much confidence there. It threw him off.

"What else would I be doing here," he mumbled. Jeff shrugged, sitting down next to him and looking at him expectantly. Some Warblers had already turned up to the auditions, excited about seeing who could be joining them if they got past Wes, David and Thad, but despite the atmosphere, Nick was anxious. Not only was it nerve wracking singing in front of people, but he wasn't sure how his parents would react if he told them what he was doing. Would they see it as a waste of time?

"You seem tense," Jeff commented, and Nick glared. Jeff seemed to really have a knack for stating the obvious.

"You seem too relaxed," he snapped. Jeff only laughed, which agitated him more.

"These guys are pretty laid back. And they don't turn that many people down," he told him. Nick frowned, looking at Jeff curiously. Not many people took the time to actually _reassure _him. "Unless you're totally tone deaf, you'll be fine. Just remember – there instruments _are _people," he grinned. "They need you!"

"Why are you trying to console me? You don't even know if I'm good."

Jeff shrugged, smiling easily. "Then you're not good," he said. "And you know the acapella life just isn't for you."

Nick laughed despite himself, and Jeff's face lit up at the reaction, causing Nick to become immediately embarrassed and look away. "You're really not nervous?" Nick asked quietly.

"Of course I'm nervous," Jeff replied, his tone just as soft. It made Nick convince himself the other boy sounded scared. "I'm just great at convincing myself I'm not."

Nick smiled, wondering if that was the realest thing he'd ever heard Jeff Sterling say, before a buzzing silence fell over the room as Wes, David and Thad entered. It all seemed a little overdramatic, but that was how the Warblers did things. _There's even a gavel, _Nick thought, straining himself not to roll his eyes.

"On behalf of the council, I would like to thank all of you for turning up today," Wes announced, looking around the room and boring his gaze into every potential Warbler. "You will be notified on your success at the end of the auditions."

"Now, we know some of you probably just want to get out and go, but we thought, to make you feel comfortable and more confident, we'd start with a little warm up exercise," David smiled. Nick tensed under the glint in his eye. "With a little help from some of our current members, we're gonna split you into groups of five, and we're gonna have a little sing song."

"To Queen," Wes put in, smiling in a way that raised a challenge.

"Bohemian Rhapsody, to be process," Thad grinned.

"But not all of it," David reassured them. Nick thought he could feel a headache coming on.

The task turned out to be a lot more fun than Nick had anticipated. He was in a group with two current Warblers, and four newbies – himself and Jeff included, along with a guy who insisted on being called 'Beat' and promised his greatest talent was the noises he made with his mouth, not his voice, and another guy named Ethan. Every group had been given a section of the song, which had apparently been pre-selected – and they had to perform it, acapella. And in the most over-done way possible.

"Our part is more fun because we have the rock part," one of the prior Warblers, Andrew, told them. There was eagerness in his expression, and the way he was talking was like he could be hatching a top secret plan. "I fought for this part guys, you better do me proud."

"Andrew, don't scare them," the other Warbler, Cameron, told him calmly. "Although, we _are _gonna win this, guys."

"Win?" Jeff repeated, and Nick was sure he could practically see his ears perk up. "You mean, this is a competition?"

"Of course it is!" Cameron mused. "And we know exactly how to win."

"Yes," Andrew agreed, smirking as he eyed them all up. "We need our two best singers."

"We'll do it," Jeff said immediately, grabbing Nick's wrist. Nick glared at him, shaking his hand away.

"Will we?" he asked sarcastically. "Why can't _you _guys do it?"

"We'll get more points this way," Andrew said simply. "I can see this guy pisses you off-"

"Hey!" Jeff interjected, but Andrew just waved him off.

"-but we can _use _that. As fuel. For when you sing at each other."

Nick narrowed his eyes, pressing his fingers to his temples. "You want me to _sing to Jeff?_"

"No, _at _him," Cameron tried to clarify. "Kinda like an argument. A really theatrical argument. We're gonna split and sit at two opposite ends of the room, and one of you is gonna stand up and sing the first part, then the other one is gonna sing the second part. We want you to sing like you're competing with each other."

"Because that way you'll find it easier to be dramatic," Andrew winked. Nick nodded slowly, chancing a glance at Jeff who looked comically thoughtful.

"Let's actually compete," he said excitedly, turning to look at Nick as if he thought he was thinking the same thing.

"What?"

"C'mon, I've seen you storm out of the Science lab after giving a speech on how you refused to do an experiment with milk. You're a drama queen, Duval," Jeff smirked. "Prove to me it's not because you're being pretentious."

"Now, now, guys-"

"You got it," Nick declared, outstretching a hand for Jeff to shake. Anything for Jeff to take back the rudest thing he'd ever heard from those ever smiling lips.

They went through what they were going to do a few times, before their time suddenly finished. As it turned out, they were performing a lot more of the song than the newbies had thought; instead of announcing that the time was up, even though everyone could feel it coming to an end, Wes, David Thad and Flint stood up on opposite sides of the room, breaking into the opening bars of the song and playing with who sung what, creating a stereo sound with volume alternating techniques and performing as though they were really in front of an audience. They'd never do this on a competition stage, though. It wasn't their image.

As soon as all the rest of the Warblers had had their turn, taking turns to sing lead while the rest backed up and together made up the slow, classic sound of the opening of the song, it was time for the potentials to try. There were several people that stood out, including a boy they soon learnt was called Trent who performed every line like his whole life had been a Broadway show. Jeff laughed gleefully at the way people used their voices to create the iconic song, loving how they would yell like it was the only thing they were passionate about when it came to singing _we will not let you go_ or carefully time it so each person had a different part on _magnifico-o-o-o. _

But then suddenly, the Warblers were singing the part to represent guitars, and Jeff looked across at Nick, smirking and raising his eyebrows as the boy slowly stood up, finding his confidence in spite for Jeff's words. He raised his head high, and Jeff was surprised at how his eyes didn't falter from him for one second. He'd thought Nick was more timid than that.

"_So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?_" Nick sung, and Jeff was already ruined in the way he was smiling, Nick's arms raised like he was silently telling Jeff to _bring it. _

"_So you think you can love me and leave me to die?_" Jeff returned, unable to shake his grin but his body language was just as dramatic as Nick's. As they sung the next lines together, Nick was almost on his knees with his hands air grabbing and motioning with the song, where Jeff had one had fixed over his heart and the other motioning at Nick, creating the illusion of real conflict between them. But the best part for both of them was the way their voices meddled together, creating a mesmerising sound that forced anyone that heard it to listen. Everyone cheered, despite the song continuing, and they found themselves smiling at each other from across the room. Everyone could tell a new force-to-be-reckoned-with had been born.

When the song finished, everyone cheered, silenced only by the double tap of Wes's gavel. There was an almost cheeky smile on his face, looking around the room as if he knew he could do it just because he had the power to drag time out like that.

"The council has made a decision," he started, looking straight over at Nick and Jeff. "Cameron and Andrew's team have won this little exercise-"

"_YES!_" Andrew cried, quickly hushed by Cameron.

"And, as a result – Nick, Ethan, Jeff, and Jon-"

"Actually, I prefer Beat-"

"You have all made it into the Warblers, and will have high consideration should you wish to audition for a solo part. Trent Nixon, this honour also goes to you."

Trent gasped, a shocked grin on his face while everyone else applauded him and the other team. Jeff clapped too, looking at Nick and squeezing his shoulder.

"Hey," he grinned. "You definitely won."

"Guess I'm dramatic by talent, not pretentiousness, huh?"

"Yeah," Jeff smiled. "But I always knew that."

Nick rolled his eyes fondly, pushing against Jeff teasingly and smiling wider when the other boy pushed back. It was the start of his time with the Warblers, but more than anything, it was the start of his unbreakable friendship with Jeff.

* * *

Breadstix wasn't somewhere Nick came often, but it turned out to be Maya's favourite spot. Maya – a leggy girl of 5 foot 7 inches, blonde hair that tumbled down her back in soft ringlets and big blue eyes that looked as though they could be alive. She smiled a lot, but she was clever, and Nick could hold a conversation with her easily.

But nevertheless, he was _so _grateful when Jeff called.

"I'm sorry, I have to take this," he said, and Maya nodded understandingly, sitting back in her seat and sipping her soda. Nick looked away, knowing deep down he had no good reason to be doing this.

"Jeff?" he asked.

"Nicky, hey. Look, I know you're on a date and this is such a bad time, but… my parents were in an accident."

"Oh my God, Jeff, are you okay?" Nick asked, looking at Maya with a concerned frowned. Maya raised her eyebrows in interest, and Nick quickly looked away. "Do you need a ride to the hospital?"

"I'm there. They're not letting me see them, b-but… I just… I n-need… a friend right now."

Nick paused, looking at Maya for a long time with an expression that could've been translated as being torn, but eventually accepting what he had to do. "I'll be right there," he said softly, hanging up the phone and turning to look at his date.

"Is everything okay?" she asked. He couldn't even find a fault in the way she talked.

"Yeah, it's… well, no. That was my best friend," Nick explained. "His parents are in the hospital. There was an accident, and… I hate to cut this short, but… he needs me."

"That's completely understandable," Maya smiled. "I think I'd actually be madder if you stayed."

"Right," Nick laughed, already standing up. "But I had a lovely time."

"Yeah, me too," Maya smiled. "I'll text you?"

"Sure," Nick agreed, throwing one last smile at her as he chucked a fistful of money on the table that could pay for their meal twice, before turning on his heel and leaving. As soon as he was out the restaurant, he dialled Jeff's number again.

"Hey," he said, unable not to smile.

"Are you gone?" Jeff asked.

"Yeah. You were weirdly convincing, though," Nick grinned. "I was actually kinda worried you were serious and fate just has the _worst _timing."

"Well, maybe we should have a safe word for if we need to get out of the get-me-out phone call, too," Jeff teased. "Was she that bad?"

"No," Nick confessed, biting his lip. "She was perfect. She was pretty, she was interesting… she didn't even have any annoying habits."

"So…? Perfect not your kinda thing?"

"I have no idea," he shrugged, unlocking his car. "It just… didn't feel right."

"Oh," Jeff said, wishing his heart didn't pick up a little. "And why is that, do you think?"

"I don't know," he sighed. "But enough about me. My mom's gonna drill me about this enough as it is. How about you?" he asked, and Jeff's heart was beating fast for a whole other reason. "Anything more permanent on the go?"

"No… but can you seriously not talk like that? I don't wanna be dubbed as a tamer version of Sebastian."

"I'm only kidding, Jeff," Nick smiled, turning the Bluetooth on his phone on so he could drive and talk at the same time. "Besides, if that were the case, I'd know about it. You'd have a _lot _of catching up to do."

"Yeah," Jeff laughed, leaning back on his bed. "Whenever I let Sebastian drag me out-"

"Woah, woah, woah," Nick interrupted, wishing he wasn't driving, now. "You went out with Sebastian?"

"Not like that! But I did go out with him to the bars he went to a few times. Just to see what it was like. You knew that," Jeff pointed out, worried he'd upset Nick. He didn't want him thinking he was lying to him.

"Yeah, I guess… I just didn't realise it was so… Sebastian."

Jeff frowned, hearing the disappointment in Nick's voice. "Well, I guess that's my business," he mumbled. "I won't bring it up around you again."

"Hey, no. Lower your guard, Sterling. I just meant I can't _imagine _you like that. You're my Jeff, you know? You're the guy that still gets excited about candy and has giggle fits."

"Everyone's got a dark side, Nicky," Jeff teased, and Nick laughed, practically hearing the snarky expression on his face.

"Even Jeff Sterling," he quipped. Jeff was blushing on the other end of the phone.

"I think I liked it better when you thought I was purely sunshine."

"You could start wearing dark leather and carry a whip and you'd still be sunshine to me."

Jeff had to laugh at that, rolling on his side and smiling against the pillow. "Well, that's good to hear," he grinned. "But leather's not really my thing, Nicky."

"Not by day. But when night time Jeff comes out…"

"Nick!" Jeff snapped, but he only laughed more.

"Hey, I don't know," Nick said defensively. "I've never met night time Jeff!"

"Do you _want _to meet night time Jeff?" Jeff asked, still smiling before he realised what he said – and just how suggestive he sounded saying it. He held his breath, waiting for Nick to say something, _anything, _that could push his slip up away.

"I dunno," Nick started, and Jeff panicked, scared by how he seemed to be really contemplating it. "If he's not all kitted out in leather, is it really worth it?"

Jeff sighed, laughing again more out of relief before a new thought occurred to him. "Don't you have a leather jacket?"

"Night time Nick," Nick whispered, and Jeff laughed louder, rolling back onto his back.

"He sounds like fun."

"Oh, he's great," Nick smirked. "Doesn't go to bed until _past midnight._"

"Wow. I'd better tell night time Jeff to watch out."

"You do that," Nick grinned, stopping at a red light. "Speaking of night time, did you hear about David's party?"

"I did," Jeff nodded, crossing his ankles. "Are you going?"

"I'm not sure I'll fit considering the _rest of Ohio _is going."

"Awwh, c'mon," Jeff cooed. "You're only little."

"Not so little I won't hit you," Nick teased, eyebrows raised as he put the car back into drive. "But hey, I guess you're right. Shall we go together? If I try to meet you there, I'll never see you."

"Hmmm, you're right. I mean, I'm tall enough but you'll probably get drowned in all the people."

Nick rolled his eyes, turning off the main road. "I'm hanging up, now," he said, but Jeff could hear the small smile on his lips.

"Awww, you're such a spoil sport."

"Good bye, Jeff," he grinned, pressing the end call button. As he drove on, he did his best not to dawn on the niggling thoughts at the back of his head, trying to make him ask questions he didn't want to know the answers to.

The one thing he did know, though, was that he was _very _curious to meet 'night time Jeff'.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

()

Jeff had never seen Nick cry. It wasn't something he'd given much thought, but still, somewhere in the back of his mind he'd decided Nick Duval simply didn't cry. He got angry, maybe even empathetically sad in some cases, but never to the point could it bring him to tears.

So when the very person called him, the last thing he expected to hear was a croaky voice that was struggling to speak through his sobs.

"What's wrong?" Jeff asked, when his best friend struggled to even get his name out.

"J-just… are you busy?" Nick whimpered. Jeff's heart dropped into his stomach.

"No, Nicky," Jeff told him, immediately leaping up and finding his car keys. "I'm never busy if you need me."

"It's silly," Nick insisted, laughing at himself a little but continuing cry. "But if you're free, Jeff…"

"I'm on my way," he smiled, already walking out the door. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

"Yeah," Nick nodded, sniffling. "See you soon. Thank you."

Jeff nodded purposefully before hanging up and opening the door to his car, pulling out of his drive and onto the road quicker than he ever had. He wondered what could possibly make Nick this upset – was it his parents? He knew they could be pretty hard on him, but they didn't seem close enough to emotionally pull Nick down like this. He couldn't think of anything else, though. Nick didn't have a girlfriend, or any kind of love interest on that go, so it couldn't be that – and as far as he knew, he didn't have any relatives on the brink of dying. Whatever it was, Jeff had no way to prepare any kind of comfort.

When he got to Nick's dramatically oversized house after what felt like the longest drive of his life, Jeff practically ran to the door, waiting impatiently before Nick finally answered with a red, blotchy face and an embarrassed smile. He silently lead the way to his room, sniffing along the way and keeping his eyes in front until they were both behind his bedroom door, closing it before throwing his arms around Jeff and burying his face in the crook of his neck. Jeff could feel his breath against his skin, and it was all he could do not to react.

"Nick," he said softly, stroking through his hair but holding him firm against him with the other arm, not letting him get away. "Are you okay?"

"Mm," Nick mumbled, breathing deep. Jeff rested his cheek against his head. "It's really silly, honestly."

"If it made you cry, it's not silly."

"No, really-"

"Nick," Jeff said, pulling away enough to look him in the eye. His hand was still softly stroking through his hair, watching as Nick slowly blinked through the calmness Jeff created. "What is it?"

Nick sighed, pulling away from Jeff so he could walk to his desk – and retrieving 'Looking for Alaska'; a book written by John Green. Jeff raised his eyebrows. He didn't know what to expect – but it wasn't this.

"I told you it was silly," Nick muttered, looking down and blushing. Jeff approached him again, squeezing his shoulder and smiling.

"I'm only relieved nothing terrible happened," Jeff promised. "Why did it make you cry?"

Nick's face suddenly became alert, taking Jeff aback. "Have you _read _this thing?"

"I can't say I have," Jeff admitted. Nick tossed it aside, as if keeping it away from Jeff meant never exposing him to the sadness.

"Don't," he warned. "You're so happy. This book could literally be used as a weapon against you."

"Why?" Jeff laughed. Nick raised an eyebrow, not even close to laughing himself.

"It's just really sad. And it makes a point of how loving something can wreck you, and how precious everything is… He just really couldn't let her go, you know?"

"Nick," Jeff cooed, feeling his chest tighten at how much a story could affect his best friend. "So you cried over a book?"

Nick rolled his eyes, but nodded, looking down in embarrassment again. "But it also got me thinking," he mumbled. "About the things I couldn't bear to lose."

He didn't have to say anymore – the meaningful look he gave to Jeff in that moment was enough to tell him what was really going through his mind. Jeff smiled sadly, wrapping his arms thankfully around Nick again but not expecting to hear small, muffled cries a few seconds after, indicating another round of tears. Jeff held him tighter, touched that Nick cared so much but also feeling bad to see him so worked up over it in that first place. What was going through his head? He didn't really have any idea what happened in that book, but he was sure whatever it was, he hoped it didn't really happen.

"Sorry," Nick choked, hiding his face against Jeff's chest again. Jeff hushed him softly, stroking his hair.

"It's flattering to know you care so much," he quipped. "But whatever it is, Nicky, you have nothing to worry about. I'll always be here."

"Not if something takes you away from me," he said, his speech muffled from tears and awkwardness. "And I'd be just like the guy in the book, trying to find answers, but ultimately… there's nothing you can do, is there?"

Jeff pulled away again, unable to stand hearing Nick talk like this. "What could happen, could happen," he told him. "And it also couldn't. But that's not something you have ultimate control over. You just have here, and now. Okay? And right now, we're both here. And we're happy. And if I did disappear for whatever reason, at least you'll know that, right?" He smiled, brushing the hair out of Nick's face and ruffling it behind his ear. "I bet the characters in the book couldn't say that much."

"You're right, Jeff," Nick smiled tearily. "Thank you. For the advice, and for not being like some enigmatic storybook character."

"Big words, Nicky," Jeff teased, raising his eyebrows in approval. Nick laughed, but there were still tears pooling at his eyes. Jeff frowned, wiping one away with his finger and looking at Nick curiously.

"It was really sad!" he said defensively, and Jeff giggled, pulling him back into a hug and happily staying like that for as long as Nick let him. With his arms wound around the most important person in his life, stroking his hair because he knew him well enough to know that was the best way to calm him down, he was hit by a domino effect of realisations.

Firstly, Nick cried over a _book, _and he couldn't get over how much he loved that. The fact that Nick could get so absorbed into a fictional world, care so much about these characters that were the result of a writer on the other end who _knew _just how they would affect people, if they were done right. And Nick was one of those people, and Jeff couldn't get over it.

But then, there was also the fact that it wasn't all about the book – it was about how the book had made Nick think about how he could lose Jeff, and that was enough for him to call him up and ask him to come round just so he could hug it out with him like this. Nick was usually perfectly composed, and absolutely did not wear his heart on his sleeve. This had triggered something inside of him, and no matter how selfish it was, Jeff couldn't help be a little bit thankful. He knew he meant a lot to Nick, but it was moments like this where he could see just how much. And it was a _lot. _

Which brought him on to his last realisation, the one that he'd been scared of making the whole time.

His heart was like a supernova in his chest, feeling like it was glowing and filling every single inch of him to the point he could barely take it. He felt as though he was hugging Nick twice – with his arms, and with the warmth in his heart that was only for him. He knew he'd started having feelings for Nick, but he thought they'd pass, and he definitely hadn't expected this to pop up and ultimately be the flame under the firework. But still, there he was – clutching Nick tight to his chest, brought to a new conclusion after being so endeared that Nick had needed him to cry on after a story had ended, had needed him there to just be sure he _was _there and that he wasn't going anywhere. He bit his lip, the thought still plaguing him long after, but in the easy silence between them as he held him in the embrace that Nick needed, he let himself come around to it like it was the simplest thing in the world.

This was the moment that Jeff Sterling realised he was in love with Nick Duval.

* * *

Nick realised a little late that this was the first big party he and Jeff had attended together since Jeff came out. It was at David's house, for no particular occasion other than it was summer and David wanted a party, but David was ridiculously popular – so naturally, half the teenage population of Ohio was present.

Jeff had seemed a little on edge on the way there, finally admitting to Nick he acted different now when he was drunk around new people.

"Just- if I go off and start dancing with some random guy, I'm sorry, okay?" he'd said, not looking Nick in the eye. "But I'll still be around. As much as possible."

"You don't have to worry," Nick assured him, although he had to admit it was going to be weird seeing him like that. "Just don't forget about me, Sterling."

Jeff giggled, and that was that.

But now, a couple of hours later, Nick found himself quite over the tipsy mark and watching Jeff dancing with his forehead pressed against another slightly smaller guy, grinning and murmuring something Nick was sure he didn't want to hear. He did all he could to distract himself, changing position so his back was to him or trying to find somewhere else to go, but no matter what he did, he ended up looking back at Jeff, unable to decipher the conflict he felt. But a strong part, and he felt childish for realising it, was that the longer Jeff didn't even acknowledge he was there, the more frustrated he got. Jeff's hands were on the other guy's hips, gradually making their way down to his ass and pulling him closer, not seeming the slightest bit nervous. He could see the blush on the unnamed boy's face, and he felt sick – but that was nothing compared to how he felt when Jeff leaned in and kissed him.

Nick stormed away, telling himself it was just the alcohol making him feel lonely, and he just wanted Jeff in his company, that was all. He found himself waiting for a long time, sure that Jeff, his best friend, would want to find him at some point. Jeff would care. Jeff would come back to him.

But then minutes eventually became another hour, and the little small talk Nick had made with people was nothing to fill the loneliness he felt. Deciding he could just talk to Jeff – he was his best friend, after all – he stepped back into the other room, finding it crowded with people dancing, but none of them were Jeff. He sighed, leaning his head against the wall and downing the rest of his beer, realising the last time he got this drunk he'd spilled his guts to Sebastian but he couldn't bring himself to care. Especially when he eventually saw Jeff walking down the stairs, still hand in hand with his boy toy and leaning in for one last kiss before letting him go. It didn't take a genius to work out what they'd been doing, but it took the denial power of one Nick Duval to ignore it ever happened. Nick pushed himself off the wall, struggling to walk straight.

"Hey," he said, trying to walk with Jeff when he didn't stop.

"Not now, Nick."

"Jeff," Nick protested, grabbing his hand before he could think. He hated how Jeff had brushed him off, but he wasn't going to let him. That wasn't the Jeff he knew. "Save a dance for me. Okay?"

"You got it, cutie," Jeff smiled, cupping his face for a moment before letting his hand go and walking away, leaving Nick confused. 'Cutie' was not usually in Jeff's vocabulary. Ever. Jeff was right when he said he changed once he'd consumed alcohol.

So Nick found himself waiting some more. Jeff had found another guy, and Nick immediately walked away, happy in the knowledge Jeff would eventually come and find him. He found a sofa in the next room, sitting down and finding himself zoning in and out of what was going on, falling victim to tunnel vision. He was vaguely aware of Sebastian talking to him at some point, but couldn't recall their conversation seconds later. He also couldn't remember lying his head down on the sofa arm, and bringing his legs up so he was completely lounging.

He wouldn't have been conscious of falling asleep, either, if it hadn't been for someone shaking his shoulder.

"Nick," a familiar voice said softly. Nick felt different, then – a mix of drunk and sobering up, surfacing consciousness and still very much in dream world. His eyes opened to see Jeff, and immediately, his heart dropped into the pit of his stomach. The party was over – the room was vacant aside from a couple of passed out people, and the house was silent. Nick grumbled, closing his eyes again and curling in on himself. He was upset because he was still drunk, and his emotions were on high. At least, that's what he told himself.

"Nick, I'm sorry," Jeff said, trying to brush the hair out of Nick's face. He sounded apologetic enough, Nick thought. But that didn't excuse the fact he'd left him alone.

"I'm trying to sleep," he muttered, his own voice sounding hoarse. Jeff's mouth twisted, pulling Nick up into a sitting position.

"Please get up," he implored. Nick frowned, squinting at him.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because I need to keep my promise to you." Nick was only more confused, unable to see past his own irritation, but then Jeff stood up, offering his hand out in a very formal manner. "Dance with me?" he asked.

"There's no music," Nick pointed out, fixing him under a hard gaze. "The party's over, Jeff, just… let me sleep."

"No, Nick, please," he begged. "I feel so bad for leaving you. You can't hate me as much as I do right now."

Nick looked at him for a moment, a part of him wanting to be stubborn but he just couldn't do it. Crumbling, he reached out to take Jeff's hand, letting himself be lead across the room. His heart sped up when Jeff's right hand rested on his hip, his left hand taking Nick's into his own and his eyes fixed on him unguardedly. He was slow dancing.

They were quiet for a long time, holding each other through unspoken words and silent apologies. Nick told himself this could easily be a dream - he could easily be asleep, so it didn't matter. None of this had to be real. He rested his head on Jeff's shoulder, closing his eyes and smiling softly when Jeff's arm curled all the way round him, holding him tight against his body. Whatever happened with the other guys, they'd never get Jeff like this.

"I'm so sorry," Jeff said again, his own guilt amplified by alcohol.

"I missed you," Nick mumbled . "I waited for you."

"I know," Jeff whispered, holding him tighter. "I know, and I can't believe I left you waiting. You know you mean more to me than those guys, right?"

"It's okay, Jeffy," Nick said. Jeff shook his head, biting his lip and pulling up slightly so Nick had to look him in the eye, and see the tears forming there. Nick frowned, alarmed by the unexpected emotion on his best friend's face.

"I almost did something really bad tonight," he confessed, closing his eyes tight to stop himself crying – or to not look at Nick. He couldn't be sure. Nick froze, waiting for Jeff to clarify what he meant. "I was with a guy, and… I-I didn't, but I came _so _close… if he hadn't mentioned 'the guy that had been watching me all night', I would've… I would've-"

"But you didn't," Nick said, although he didn't like what he knew Jeff was saying. He almost had sex.

"Nicky, I could've thrown it all away on some drunken hook up-"

"But you _didn't,_" Nick pressed, and Jeff nodded under the solidness of Nick's gaze. "So it's still special. You didn't. Not yet."

"You're right," Jeff whispered, managing a smile as he cupped Nick's face, much more tenderly this time. Nick couldn't take his eyes off him, absolutely engrossed in the moment and the way Jeff was looking at him. _I could still be dreaming, _he told himself. _And there's still alcohol in my system, and I'm still dreaming… _

"I'm glad you didn't," he murmured, looking away while he said it but looking back to catch Jeff's reaction. His lips drew into his mouth, looking at Nick with anticipation before just smiling again, his eyes practically sparkling. He leant his head against Nick's, sighing in relief and just letting himself be with him.

"I don't deserve you," Jeff smiled. "Thank you for waiting for me."

"Thank you for coming back to me," Nick whispered, and Jeff's eyes became guilty again, his smile falling slightly. He brought a hand up to stroke his thumb across Nick's cheekbone, his eyes full of raw sincerity.

"I'll always come back to you," he told him, his heart threatening to leap out of his chest as he leaned forwards and brushed his lips against Nick's, cradling his head and pressing forward to kiss him. Nick's breath hitched, thoughts of _this isn't right _filling his head, but his resolve didn't last long, giving into Jeff like a cloud breaking for the rain. It _was _right. At least, in that moment, with his head spinning and his heart beating fast, he felt it. He suddenly had to wonder if he really wasdreaming, but this was better than anything his imagination could conjure – this was pure Jeff, the taste of alcohol still faint on his lips as he dragged the moment out for all it was worth. When he pulled away, Nick found himself breathless. Jeff was just caught out by the fact Nick didn't push him away.

They stayed quiet for longer, Nick hiding his face against Jeff's shoulder so Jeff continued to gently slow dance them in a small circle, holding Nick close and leaning his cheek against his head. It was hard, knowing how differently they felt. Nick had to hide, while Jeff wanted to kiss him again, or at least finally talk about it - but he was already treading thin ice. He didn't want to do anything to shake up the peaceful boy in his arms, especially considering how he'd treated him that night. He wondered if Nick was falling asleep, but then he heard him gently humming _You Are My Sunshine, _and a fond smile grew on his lips.

"Have you listened to that properly, yet?" Jeff asked quietly, and Nick guiltily shook his head, looking up through his lashes.

"No," he said, before smiling coyly. "Maybe you should sing it for me?"

"Are you sure? It's not happy," he reminded him.

"Sing to me, Jeffy."

Jeff nodded, laughing gently and drawing a deep breath, his voice soft and careful in Nick's ear as he began to sing. Nick felt his grip on him get firmer, patterns being stroked on his back, and he realised Jeff could be protecting him. He closed his eyes and listened.

"_The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my arms. But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken, so I bowed my head, and I cried._"

"You weren't kidding, huh," Nick interjected, but Jeff just shook his head, rubbing circles against his back with his thumb.

"_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away._"

"Wow," Nick whispered, clutching Jeff a little tighter. "I didn't realise…"

"I know," Jeff murmured, pressing a kiss into his hair. Nick waited patiently for him to carry on. "_I've always loved you, and made you happy, and nothing else could come between. But now you've left me to love another, you have shattered all of my dreams. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…_"

"_You make me happy, when skies are grey,_" Nick sung, and Jeff smiled, hesitating for a moment to see if Nick was going to finish it.

"_You'll never know, dear,_" Jeff started, but it suddenly felt more personal. "_how much I love you._" He swallowed, leaning his head against Nick's and feeling an unexplained, sudden sorrow in his chest._ "Please don't take my sunshine away._"

Nick was silent, his eyes closed as he just held Jeff. The song had got to him, but he couldn't understand why; suddenly, he was much more afraid of losing Jeff.

"That was beautiful," he said. "But really, really sad."

"'m sorry," Jeff mumbled.

"It's okay," Nick smiled. "It's just… I sometimes think of you as 'my sunshine'. And… I don't want you to go away, you know?"

"I'm not going anywhere, Nicky," Jeff assured him. "Just remember the sun will always rise and be there no matter what, okay? Even if it's on the other side of the world."

"I feel like you're trying to tell me something nice in a metaphor, but I'm not getting it," Nick confessed, smirking at his own confusion. Jeff giggled, straightening up.

"I don't really know what I was going for, either," he admitted, and Nick laughed, leaning against Jeff but not taking his eyes off him. He thought for a long time, his eyes closing before slowly opening, and Jeff could practically see his guard coming back up.

"I'm so drunk," he murmured, still smiling - but Jeff knew what he was really saying. _Don't talk about this tomorrow. Don't mention this. Do not acknowledge this evening. _

"Let's get you back to bed," Jeff said, leaving his arm around his waist as he steered him back to the couch. Nick sat down and was lying immediately, looking up at Jeff like he was worried he was going to suddenly disappear. Jeff knelt down, stroking the hair out of his face before accepting that this had to be over.

"Thank you," Nick muttered. Jeff nodded, continuing to play with his hair because he knew it soothed him. He wanted to say something, or at least kiss him once more, but then Nick's eyes fluttered closed and his breathing soon evened out. Jeff bit his lip, deciding all too late what he wanted to say.

"Nick," he whispered, but Nick was just eerily still, secretly listening but wanting to appear asleep to Jeff. Jeff sighed, suddenly overwhelmingly disappointed. "I won't talk about it, just… don't forget about tonight. That's all I'm asking."

With one more brush of fingers through hair, Jeff stood up and left, leaving Nick fake-asleep on the couch. As soon as he was gone, Nick curled in a little bit more. Maybe it was the alcohol, and the fact he'd felt incredibly lonely that night – but he wanted Jeff to be there with him, cuddling him while they fell asleep.

But then there'd be no way to convince himself this was all just a beautiful dream.


End file.
